When the world moves online faster than your body and brain

In the last decade, many services have quietly moved from paper and people to apps and forms:

• GP and hospital appointments booked through links and portals.
• Benefit and council forms submitted online only.
• Banks closing branches and pushing apps instead of passbooks.
• Charities and social groups using email and social media as their main noticeboard.

For older adults and carers, this “digital only” world can collide with:

• Reduced eyesight, hearing, memory or concentration.
• Pain, fatigue or neurological conditions that make screens hard work.
• Limited internet access, shared devices or low data allowances.

None of this means you are failing. It means the system has moved faster than the average human nervous system can adapt. This guide is about building the confidence to say, clearly and calmly:
“This system does not fit me. What else do you have?”

“I’m bad with computers” vs “Online systems are a barrier for me”

Many people start phone calls with:

• “I’m useless with computers, sorry.”
• “I know everyone else uses the app, I’m just old-fashioned.”

It sounds polite – but underneath, it tells your brain and the service:
“The problem is me, not the system.”

A more accurate statement might be:

• “Online systems are hard for me because of my eyesight / memory / disability / caring role.”
• “I can’t reliably use forms or apps – I need a different way to access this service.”

This small change is powerful. You are no longer confessing a weakness; you are calmly naming a barrier. Barriers can be worked around. Personal failings just leave us stuck and ashamed.

Not everyone sees your struggle – why you may need to explain it

Many services assume that “online = easier”. Staff at the other end may never have:

• Watched someone lose their place on a form every time a screen times out.
• Seen an older adult trying to type a long password with stiff fingers.
• Realised that switching between screens and printed letters can be confusing if you live with memory problems.

You are allowed to:

• Describe what happens in your home when you try to use their system.
• Explain that digital access is not just about “knowing how” but about energy, eyesight, mood and pain levels.
• Say that you can sometimes use online options with support – but not reliably, and not for everything.

The person you speak to cannot change the whole system in one day. But they can often offer alternatives if they understand your reality.

Language that opens doors – practical sentences you can use

Here are examples of phrases you can adapt for phone calls, letters, emails or online contact forms:

• For health services:
  “Because of my health problems and eyesight, I find online forms and apps very hard to use. I need to book appointments and receive information by phone or letter instead wherever possible.”
• For councils or benefits:
  “I am not able to manage digital forms on my own because of my health and caring responsibilities. Please tell me what non-digital options you have – for example paper forms, phone appointments or support to complete forms.”
• For charities or groups:
  “I would like to be involved, but I struggle with email and social media. Could you let me know about events by phone or post as well as online?”

You can keep these sentences in a notebook by the phone, or copy them to show a trusted person at the library, surgery or community centre.

Reasonable adjustments – the quiet idea behind many options

In the background of many services is a simple principle: if a person has a long-term condition or difficulty that makes something harder, services should take sensible steps to reduce that difficulty where they reasonably can.

Without getting lost in legal language, it can help to say:

• “Because of my health / disability / caring role, I need a different way to access your service than online forms.”
• “What reasonable adjustments can you offer so I can still use your service safely?”

You are not asking for special treatment. You are asking for the service to work for a real person, not an imaginary “average user”.

Examples of alternatives you can ask for

Depending on the service, alternatives might include:

• Telephone – booking appointments, updating contact details, renewing some prescriptions, asking questions about letters, completing some forms with staff support.
• Paper – printed application forms, appointment letters, information leaflets, paper diaries for blood pressure or blood sugar readings.
• Face-to-face – support at a surgery, hospital, community hub or advice centre to complete online forms with someone beside you.
• Supported digital – a trusted person helping you use the digital system while your needs and preferences are still recorded.

Some options may not be possible everywhere, but you will not know what is available unless you ask.

Working with family and carers – who speaks, and how?

If you have family or carers who are more confident with technology, it can be tempting for services to talk only to them. That can be helpful – but also risky if your own voice gets lost.

A balanced approach might be:

• You choose when a relative speaks on your behalf, and when you want to speak first.
• They can describe practical difficulties (“Mum can’t see the screen well enough to complete the form”) while you describe how it feels and what matters most to you.
• Where appropriate, you can ask services about formal ways of sharing access or decision-making, such as proxy access for health records or power of attorney, and get independent advice on what is best in your situation.

Our guide on Helping older relatives use technology without taking over explores this in more depth.

Digital exhaustion – when your body tells you “enough”

Many people think they are “bad with technology” when in fact they are experiencing digital exhaustion. Signs can include:

• Headache, jaw clenching or eye strain after short screen sessions.
• Feeling faint or dizzy when concentrating on forms or video calls.
• Sleeping badly after spending the evening staring at worrying medical or financial pages.
• A feeling of anger, shame or panic whenever an “online only” letter arrives.

These are not character flaws. They are your nervous system saying, “This cost me more than it should.” That is useful information to share with services:

• “I find that trying to use your online systems makes me unwell / triggers my condition / leaves me exhausted.”
• “Because of this, I need a way of using your service that does not rely mainly on screens.”

Linking this guide with other PHAT digital support articles

If you are reading this, you may also find these PHAT guides helpful:

• Getting started with smartphones, tablets and laptops – if basic devices feel confusing.
• Finding trusted health information online – so you are not overwhelmed by scary search results.
• Using the NHS App and online GP services safely – if you want to use some digital tools but with clear boundaries.
• When video appointments are offered – how to prepare and when to ask for telephone or face-to-face instead.
• Managing passwords and personal information safely – if logins and codes are becoming a problem.

The goal is to build a menu of options that suits you – not to accept a one-size-fits-all approach.

How PHAT stands beside you when systems feel bigger than you

PHAT cannot rewrite national policies or close the digital gap overnight. But we can:

• Offer gentle Zoom exercise and education sessions where you can practise digital skills at your own pace, with real humans on the other side of the screen.
• Provide clear written guides so you can prepare for GP visits, hospital letters, digital changes and conversations about your needs.
• Hold a community where saying “I find this hard” is seen as honesty, not failure – and where older adults and carers can share what has worked for them.

In a world that often demands logins before it listens, PHAT’s aim is to help you feel that your voice, body and story still matter – whether you connect by app, phone, paper or a chair in a village hall. 💙